Firstly:
In Mukhtasar al-Akhdari and other Maliki books there is an
indication that it is haram to shake hands with a non-mahram woman according to
the madhhab of Malik (may Allah have mercy on him).
‘Aleesh said in Minah al-Jaleel Sharh Mukhtasar Khaleel
(1/22): It is not permissible for a man to touch the face or hand of a
non-mahram woman, and it is not permissible for them to put their hands
together without a barrier. ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) never accepted the oath of
allegiance (bay‘ah) of a woman by holding her hand; he would accept oaths of
allegiance from women verbally. According to another report: His hand never
touched the hand of a woman; rather he would accept their oath of allegiance
verbally. End quote.
Secondly:
The details that you mentioned have to do with nullifying
wudu by touching; wudu is nullified in the event of seeking pleasure, or
finding pleasure (even if he was not seeking it), or seeking it and finding it.
Wudu is not nullified when one does not seek pleasure or find it.
The prohibition is connected to doing it deliberately, whether
there is pleasure or not And Allah knows best.
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